Lent: Call

All his life Rourke wanted to hear the call of God the way others did.

He heard about them in church or in Sunday school; and Rourke understood from the hushed reverential tones their names were whispered in that these were men and women who heard the call of God on their lives. They answered it unreservedly, and blazed a path in service to heaven, that glowed years after they had trod it. For that reason their names were remembered and held up for inspiration. George Fox. Clara Barton. Jim Elliot. Cate Blanchett. Hudson Taylor. Melvin Fenwick. Keith Green. 

It must be something to hear the call of God. Rourke imagined himself on a gray and dreary day, laboring away at the tedium when the world would split with a trumpet blast and it would happen. He would hear God's calling.

The call of God! Rourke shook at the very thought of it. When he heard it, Rourke would leave the ordinary world behind and embrace a life of faith and daring, like a spiritual Indiana Jones bringing the good news to the Jabberwalkies and the Hottentoads, standing alone against the hordes of darkness.

But the call didn't come, and as he got older, Rourke entered art school. He began a career as an artist. drawing pictures for children's books, teaching art to elementary students, and making watercolors of the animals people often missed, like the red foxes that lived in the city's parks, or the coyotes that migrated along .the railroad tracks.

Then one day the phone rang. An old friend needed help. The friend talked, and Rourke listened. They passed the hours in conversation, and as days turned into weeks, Rourke called his friend regularly to check in and see how he was doing.

Rourke got older. He published a few books of his photography through a niche publisher; and donated the money to a local watershed conservation group, to protect the fields and waterways in the area where he lived. Someone noticed that, and he was invited to address a few civic organizations about the importance of the local environment and ensuring that everyone had access to nature.

God never called. 

One day Rourke woke to find himself alone. His wife was gone, their sons were gone, and he realized he was entirely on his own, standing at the brink in a place of unbearable darkness. In desperation he called a friend he knew.

He spoke. She listened, and before they hung up, she made him promise to call her in the morning so she would know he was all right.

Years passed and Rourke mended.

When he died at the age of 72, Rourke had never heard that trumpet he had hoped one day to hear. He never preached good news to the Hottentoads, and he never carried a lit torch over his head to show crowds of Jabberwalkies the way. 

The call of God is strange and wondrous, and easy not to see.

Perhaps it was in the care he showed for the earth and its inhabitants as he drew attention to the gifts of nature all around and asked to preserve them for everyone to enjoy. Perhaps it was the night someone called and he picked up the phone and was present in a way they needed; or perhaps it was even when he called someone else.

But Rourke's legacy was no greater nor less than any other man's, yet none doubted he had answered his calling.

Lent: Everlasting

Many years ago an artist went to see Leonardo da Vinci for help with his paintings.

Although he made a decent living with the support of his patrons, the artist was frustrated with the quality of the paintings he made. They were detailed, they were accurate, they were marvels of composition. So when he came to the master artist for guidance, da Vinci was surprised.

"What is wrong with them?" da Vinci asked.

"They are completely forgettable," the artist said. "They are pleasant to look at, but they are forgettable. I made one for my patron that took me six months to create, and he lavished me with praise for it, then he had it hung in his privy and even I can't remember what it looked like."

"Ah," said da Vinci at last. "I understand. They are not for everlasting."

The younger artist looked confused, so da Vinci held up his hand for the other man to see. The hair on its back was gray, and the skin itself was so thin that the younger artist could see the veins within. The hand was frail and weary with years, and the younger man understood  that the master artist had only a few winters left. 

"The body is weak and decays," da Vinci said, "but the soul endures. The eyes dim, but the heart is made for eternity and longs to walk there. It yearns not for a different world, nor even a better one; but for this one to be realized properly, so that love ages gracefully and does not grow cold, so the mind remains as keen in old age as it was in youth, and so tears bring deliverance and healing. and conflict begets understanding and reconciliation rather than fighting. The spirit understand that redemption is coming, but the flesh cannot conceive it, and so life becomes fleeting and ephemeral."

He looked at his young acquaintance.

"Let your art reveal the longing of the soul and its faith that the world's redemption will one day be complete," he said, "and your work will be for everlasting."

Lent: Name

Eighteen years and change ago, I called my younger brother to let him know that he had a new niece.

"What did you name her?" he asked. (We'd made a point of not telling anyone the names we were considering after discovering with Oldest Daughter that some people felt they had a license to be rude about prospective names.)

"Spock," I said. Somehow I kept my voice even but earnest, the tone you might expect from a second-time father.

"Spock?" He was incredulous. He was outraged. He was exemplifying precisely we had kept lipper number two's name quiet for nine months. "You named your daughter Spock?"

"I think it's a lovely name," I said simply. "Don't you?"

Names are funny things. Often they're ordinary words from another language, that someone one day decided to slap onto some unsuspecting kid and suddenly the word gained a whole new significance no one had expected. "Alondra" is Spanish and "Zipporah" is Hebrew. They both mean bird, but those girls are nothing like one another.

We pick the names we do for our children because of the sort of people we want them to become: logical and reasoned, loyal and strong, devoted and caring, or whatever other quality we associate with their names.

Our names gain value and meaning as we get older and build a reputation. People who have never met you but who have heard your name usually have some sort of idea what to expect when they hear your name, and it may not be the meaning your parents had when they picked that name out for you.

In the end we're choosing our own names, in secret even from ourselves. It's a lifelong act of discovery that reveals itself in how we treat others when we have more than we need, and how we treat them when we don't have enough.

Friend.
Helper.
Good Counsel.|
Wanderer.
Indifferent.
Cruel.
Murderer.

They say on the final day, all will be revealed. The books will be opened, and the Judge of all the earth will call us all forth, one at a time, by name.

I wonder if any of us really knows the name we will have chosen to answer to. Be wise, and be sure that it is one you will not be ashamed to hear.

Lent: Walk

It was my father who taught me the value of going for a walk.

It started. I think, my senior year of high school. Knowing my father it was something he was content to let grow rather than a campaign he had planned from the get-go, but there came a night he asked me to walk the dog with him and I agreed.

Our dog was a cockapoo, a polite way of saying he was a mutt who weighed 30 pounds when he needed a haircut but only 15 pounds afterward. Some nights we just walked Fonzi down to Colbaugh Avenue, sometimes we walked him all the way around the block, and sometimes we'd go for a walk that seemed reach the upper limits of infinity.

Those walks became one of the most sacred rituals we ever performed. I'd only recently returned from living for a year in New Zealand as an exchange student, and now I was getting ready to go away to college for the next four years. I was the third of four sons, and I think my father realized time was not on his side, so he wanted to spend time with me while he could.

So we walked together in weather so cold that our breath burned on its way out of our mouths, then turned to ice and shattered on the ground. We walked on spring evenings as choirs of katydids sang in the trees above, We walked on summer evenings when the murderous heat of the day had broken and the moon whispered peace.

And while we walked, we talked with one another.

I told dad about what I hoped to study at college, and somehow he agreed that it sounded reasonable, even though I changed my mind after less than one semester and studied something else instead. We talked about books we'd read and the authors we loved, and together we fanned on the latest episodes of Star Trek.

Sometimes we talked about other things in the news that probably seemed important at the time, but mostly not. It was a time I was getting ready to set sail; and as he stood on the wharf getting ready to watch me leave, he tried to decide if he was proud of the man I was becoming, or if he should go file a formal complaint with management and disavow the whole thing.

That was more than 30 years ago.

In the years since, I've walked many miles with my children. With my foster son, I filled those miles with the affection his birth parents had never given him and taught him not only how to use his legs, but his ears and his mouth as well. We walked our dog Sandy together almost every day he was here, while I filled his ears with nonstop words in a bid to lift him out of the neglect he'd been left to languish in.

I've walked all over this city with my girls. Together we've trekked our way to school, to softball and to soccer; we've stomped to friends' houses, to the library, to the parks and to summer camp. On foot we've hunted Pokemon wherever they hide, we've marched in parades, and we've even crossed the river to lose ourselves in the woods.

And as we've walked the upper limits of infinity, I've filled their ears with stories I knew, stories I made up, and stories that will never be told again. I've poured myself into them with every step I took as they poured themselves into me; and always I've prayed that it will be enough.

The girls, I think, have found the value of a good walk. The second is getting ready in a few short weeks to begin the journey her sister started a few years ago and that I once took over half a lifetime past. Her feet itch and her eyes are set on college in California.

It's a long walk, but as I watch her lacing up her shoes, I can't help but think how proud I am of the young woman she has become and is becoming.

And I can't wait for when her path leads her back home, so I can hear her stories from the road and all the wonderful things she's seen. 

Lent: Remember

Victor was a football star when he was in high school.

His skill on the field made him a celebrity off. Girls wanted to date him. Guys wanted to be seen with him. Teachers deferred to him when the grade was close and to his schedule if there were a conflict with assignments. Even ill behavior was excused or brushed aside. Boys will be boys, people said. After all, he was a hero!

When Victor graduated high school in 1968 and announced he had caught a football scholarship to college, heads nodded. Victor was good, one of the best players his school had ever seen. It made sense. He was going places.

And then he didn't. Scouts from one team after another looked at Victor and then moved on without offering him a position. Before Victor knew what had happened, the football train had pulled out of the station without him. All he had to show for the experience was a signed photo from a new friend who got picked up by the Eagles.

Now some people are big enough to bet everything on a single turn of pitch-and-toss, and lose, then start all over again and never breathe another word about it. Their glory days become another memory, like a spectacular ride on a rollercoaster, a glorious time at the senior prom, or an Eagle Scout project that consumed the summer. Those memories become a source of pride that fuels further success and provides stories to entertain friends and strangers alike in the years to come.

Victor was not a big enough for that.

Life forced him to move on, but that was all it could do. He took up a job teaching middle school gym and made his office a shrine not to sports legends his students would recognize or draw inspiration from like Roberto Clemente, Yogi Berra or Jim Thorpe, but to his own high school career. His football jersey. News clippings of when he dominated the field. And of course that signed picture from his friend who did the majors, so the students could appreciate how big Victor was, that he was friends with an actual football star. 

Memory was a trap and Victor was caught. Rather than encouraging the next generation of athletes, he became bitter and angry, and took one opportunity after another to make students feel small. In the end he was caught stealing from the school and was fired, and then whispers of physical and sexual abuse left the edges and moved into the open.

But if memory can become a prison, it can also be release. You see this especially in the psalms of lament when David, or another writer, complains to God about how unjustly he is being made to suffer. 

"My enemies circle me like jackals, saying 'We've got him now,'" he writes. "My limbs are all out of joint, and you can count my bones." Then the coup-de-grace: "All this is because you abandoned me, O Lord. You sure suck,"

There's a pause, and in that pause so loud that you can hear it in translation 3,000 years later there comes the word "but."

In the midst of grief and suffering too great to express, the psalmist remembers times gone by when things looked bad, or even worse, but they still worked out all right. He recalls the stories of Moses leading the people to freedom from slavery in Egypt, how the army of Pharaoh was routed when the Red Sea closed on them after letting the Hebrews through. He recalls times things looked bad for him personally, like when the previous king led the entire army to hunt him like a dog and he had to hide in a cave, or the time his own son tried to kill him and an aging David was forced to flee his home while people spat at him and told him he was getting what he deserved.

His bones remain out of joint. His friends still want to kill him. There are still no yellow ZIngers in the snack machine. But the memory of what happened in the past for his people and for him lead David to hope in his season of Lent that good times remain.

"My accusers will be silenced, and I will make my offering in the House of the Lord," he wrote. "My days will be long once more  and I will join in the assembly in worshiping you."

Selah. 

Lent: Sign

About thirty years ago, in 1991, when my church was hiring a new pastor, one of the lead candidates asked for a salary that was substantially higher than what the elder board had been prepared to offer.

It was, he explained, a "fleece" he had placed before God. If the church would commit to a higher salary, he would know that God was calling him to take the position, uproot his family and move across the state. He just wanted a sign.

Signs can be great at clearing things up. If the sign says "Louie's Used Pet Store" then I am definitely not in the right place to get my car's oil changed. "No Loitering" communicates expectations for my behavior, and "Low Clearance 10 Feet" is a good advisory if I'm driving a truck that is 12 feet high . If I'm on my way to Pittsburgh from Trenton, a sign that says "Los Angeles, next three exits" is a pretty good indicator that I've lost my way. Signs are probably most helpful when direct and to the point. "Bridge Out" and "Do Not Enter" are two that come to mind. 

That church of mine used to love signs. A message delivered in tongues was a sign that God was in our midst, even though the message usually made no more sense after it was interpreted than when it was just ecstatic utterances. When Saddam Hussein invaded Kuwait in 1990, the lead pastor always cautioned against armchair eschatology, but everyone knew it was a clear sign that the Second Coming was at hand.

Signs can feel more helpful than they really are. Kuwait was liberated during Operation Desert Storm and Saddam Hussein has been dead 15 years, but Christ still hasn't returned. Signs like that "fleece" often excuse us from taking responsibility for the decisions we're about to make, when there are so many ways to read them and a little more effort would lead to a better outcome. 

Sure, maybe the elders' willingness to pay another $20,000 a year for a new lead pastor is a sign that he should take the job. On the other hand, maybe that he would ask that of a church in an economically depressed area was a sign for the elders that he adhered to the prosperity gospel and the elders should interview more candidates.

Lent is a season when the ragged people of God are hungry once more to hear the Word of God clearly, and so we look for signs. When they come, it's reassuring to know that even Jesus wasn't always clear on what the signs meant.

There was a man in the desert who may have been a prophet, or who may have just been another headcase. Jesus felt something stir, and when the call came to be baptized he answered it. When he climbed up from the water a voice spoke; or it may have just been thunder. It was a sign, clearly, but what did it mean? 

Was it a sign that spring rains were coming and the people should plant their seed so the crops would grow? Or was it a sign of something deeper and more personal that would set the world on its ear?

Jesus didn't know. So he went into the desert to find out.