It's time for the annual men's retreat once again, and my wife already has noted my negative attitude. (What can I say? I am nothing if not consistent.)
I would like to make a few modest proposals to improve these retreats, broaden their appeal, and deepen their value to attendees. Follow some of these, and I'm more likely to show up, as are other people who have avoided men's retreats for the past 20 years.
First, no speakers. Get someone to lead a group discussion instead. Truth does not follow a hierarchy; it spreads through relationships and we discover it together. Paul didn't lecture his audiences, he reasoned with them.
Second, anyone who talks about the manly atmosphere or who says how great it is to be surrounded by men is a toxic, misogynistic asshole. Kick him out, even if he's the leader. Especially if he's the leader.
Open the retreat to people of all genders, sexualities and identities who want to come. Please note that this includes gays, lesbians, bisexuals, the transgender and women. We won't learn and grow in grace until and unless we spend time with people different from us.
If you expect me to listen to you yammer on about the Mets, the Eagles and the NBA, you'd better be prepared to hear me explain why the Tenth Doctor is the best, why I'd rather serve under Kirk than Picard, and why I hate what DC Comics has done with the Watchmen characters.
Seriously. Not every guy likes sports. This cannot be the default conversation. Show some consideration for the rest of the room.
In fact, make way for me to talk about gardening, someone else to discuss his sewing hobby, and so on. You want us there? Then welcome us.
Just once, I'd like to have an actual Bible study. You know, where we study the Bible together and talk about it, rather than what the speaker said or what some author wrote. An actual Bible study, where we wrestle with how complicated Scripture really is.
Poetry slam. Give a chance for artistic types to go artistic, and give everyone else a chance to explore in a friendly, welcoming format. Share a poem, read a story you're working on, perform an original song or scene from a play. The arts speak in a way church rarely does.
What, that's too awkward to read a poem or share a song? Remember that time I didn't really want to play soccer with you guys but did anyway, in the name of "community?" Trust me, I'll be more gracious and encouraging than you were.
Absolutely no "accountability time." If I want to talk about my personal stuff, I will. I'm not "wounded" or "afraid of vulnerability," I just don't share deeply personal feelings with people unless I have a deeply personal connection.
Topics. Please don't pick "relevant" retreat topics; pick stuff we're actually dealing with, like "Help! My parents voted for Trump" or "Liberation: What the gospel really looks like when you're not a straight white male." Also, remember what I said about group discussions.
Downtime. I like you, but I don't want to spend every minute of the retreat in group meetings and discussions. Having time to read a book, work on some writing by myself or just chat with a couple close friends will do more to recharge me than everything else planned.
Promote this event honestly. "It's the best hundred bucks you'll spend this year," "The food is excellent" and "It's an amazing time with God" are empty words. Tell me what's being planned, so I can make an honest and informed decision.
Saying that it's a men's retreat already has invited my derision. Focus on this with comments about how manly it is, and I'll never show up. I don't care about your testosterone.
Copyright © 2019 by David Learn. Used with permission.
Tweet
